Or do I?
I read a lot. And lately I’ve been wondering if this is such a good thing. Besides my groaning bookcase shelves. One of which recently decided it wanted to be on the floor with all the books that resided on it. Of course I had to ponder the meaning of this. I turned to You Tube, obviously. I idly listened to random videos until one came on by JP Sears. He was being asked about his favourite books. He stated that he reads just four books a year now as he recognised that his inner wisdom was being compromised by reading so much. I hear you brother.
I picked up one of my bedside books and read on. It was talking about conditioning. Yet another chapter telling us that our lifelong conditioning is what’s screwed us all up. Yes, we know. How are we ever supposed to escape it? Constant deep inner work – boring. Although I do partake in this because I aim to be much less screwed up than I have been.
This got me thinking to the beginnings of relationships. When we meet someone new, we are happy, exciting, loving, caring – all the qualities that turn us into this golden angel to reassure us that yes, this new person is so lucky to have come into our lives. Then as time goes on we may get grumpy, difficult, argumentative and sometimes maybe be a bit of a bitch. What happened there? I used to think that the beginning was fake. All a show to say, “This is what I wish I was.” And then what came after was the real person. I now feel that to be untrue. I think the beginning is who we really are inside. It is the conditioning that takes hold afterwards, as we are pushed to our boundaries. The past habits push us to behave how we always have. That of course surprises the recipient of our new relationship, perhaps attracts some of their conditioning. And the loop to dysfunction has begun.
How do we escape this? My boyfriend and I have come up with three simple rules that when utilised dispels any ridiculousness that comes of conditioning.
1. Be Kind
2. Quality Time Together
Being kind to one another, as in compassion. If we are out and one of us needs something, such as food, or rest. We will make effort to ensure we get what we need, rather than being frustrated if our plans are not going how we wanted. When our needs are met, we don’t need to rely on old habits to get what we want.
Quality time is so important to bond, connect and get on the same page. I find that when we have good quality alone time, we feel more free, we communicate easier, we feel reassured, comfortable, accepted. The conditioning is much easier to fall away.
Communication, of course. We text a lot as well as talk in person. We are both introverts and I find the texting very useful. We will both take great care in reading, understanding, responding. In person we are learning to communicate in much the same way. This is taking some time as conditioning is very reactive and instant. And some of our challenges have been on a time limit.
Through this we are creating a relationship unique to us that serves only us. Time away alone helps with this greatly. We ignored the rules about holidays in new relationships. We have been together for 3.5 months and have just taken our second break away. Both breaks taught us so much about each other and ourselves. We were faced with conditioning, assumptions, expectations, as well as our own little rules for what we do in certain situations.
Imagine if we used this with friendships too. Could we shed conditioning through motion of action rather than constantly reading and deep inner work?