Fear can make us run from the things that only want to love us.
Isn’t this a bit insane?
This fear will never be from a present event. It’ll be the past, or something we are telling ourselves that may not be true at all. Yet we will still run, convinced that either history will repeat itself, or that our deepest fears will be right. How much do we give up or sabotage with this behaviour? How many things could potentially go perfectly right, and make our lives so much more amazing. . . yet we run because we fear the opposite. Never giving that good thing a chance to show us that life could possibly go right.
I’m all for barriers. It means I can do a lot of checks on a situation before I let it get too close. It can also push people away, the ones that I am wishing were closer to me. How often do we look disinterested, when inside we are actually leaping for joy and hope? Why don’t we risk showing our true feelings? Will the hurt we could potentially experience be enough of a reason to shut some parts of our lives down? Is it possible that the more we open up, the easier the potential hurt would be to deal with when it does come?
One of my more ridiculous fears is not booking time away. I got into this habit four years ago when my favourite band were touring. I was afraid I would make plans, a tour would be announced and I would miss it because I’d made plans I couldn’t move. Seeing them meant that much to me. The last four years I’ve been avoiding booking anything too constricting. The band has not toured at all in that time. But still the back of my mind worries in case that email comes through. . .
I am all of a ponder. I’m really keen to hear from other people about such things.