Nope, I didn’t manage to pull myself back with a few meditations. Instead I lie here now, ill and a little too far gone. Everything that has been happening has blasted through my emotions, mind and now reached the physical. I didn’t act quickly enough.

This incoming realisation came about from a few things. I was speaking to my counsellor about being good at helping others, she disagreed. She said I clearly wasn’t good at it as I let it pull me down. Good therapists don’t do that, therefore stop trying to support others so much. Good point, if a little blunt. I also booked a psychic reading from a good friend of mine. She was right on the button and knew I’d been experiencing a lot more physical symptoms than I was willing to talk about. Stress is rife through my body.

Her suggestion was to turn my back on some of the many, many things crying out for my attention. I feel like all decisions rest on Thursday, my next job interview. I can’t plan anything until I know which way that goes.

I also had an epiphany courtesy of someone I was speaking to on Twitter. I came to the realisation that I lie to myself frequently, about how much I can take on and how much I can keep going. I found that I can push myself much further than I thought. Is that a good thing? It’s helped me achieve so much in a short space of time. And the expense is my health…. but that at least is a delayed reaction.

So maybe it is time to be honest with myself. What I can do, what I am good at, what I suck at (taking care of myself) and what I really need.


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